sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
