I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
