Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize