Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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