Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
