you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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