What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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