I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
