my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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