mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he thought i was a dude.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
