What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
