I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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