He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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