I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
