Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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