What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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