how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
