listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
