Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
