I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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