Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
