Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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