the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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