dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
