I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
