gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
