I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
