I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
