dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
