Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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