i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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