I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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