I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
