best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
