thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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