i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
