Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
