24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
