that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
