ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
OPIZZABONMYDICK
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
