So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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