One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We need to rekindle our bromance
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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