His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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