his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
