And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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