I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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