Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
