i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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