Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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