toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
