I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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