Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
