So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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