You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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