meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
