They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
