where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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