my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
