my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
