That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
