Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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