speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
