as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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