Can i not drive my cunt home
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
