i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
