i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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